I woke up this morning with many things on my mind, but could not pin point what was weighing on me. I felt cold so I added more layers. It wasn't long before heavy snow began to fall. More snow, I thought. Big yawns & a constant rubbing over my eyes gave away how I felt. The needs began pouring in from little people I still cannot believe came from inside me. A messy bun of hair that needed washed, baggy sweat shirt, sweat pants, thick socks, & a face with day old makeup somehow set the stage of what the inside must have looked like too. After straightening up around me & getting a couple loads folded (not yet put away) I took a gulp of coffee, not slowly enjoying as I normally would, and let out one of the many thoughts in a whispered tone, "three deaths in the last several months. Things change so fast..."
Thankfully these deaths have been from ones who died peacefully & had long, full lives. Though there's tears, there's a sense of peace...their journey is done, they've given all their love, hugs, service they could to the world and the ones who love them. I am still grasping for security amongst the winds of change, the familiar places now unfamiliar. When it feels like somethings (someones) missing, as if someone yanked a blanket off you in the freezing, we must know God is merely leading us on....further still....
Where we find ourselves, God is already there.....you have not arrived at this point & simply seek for Him to meet you among all the unfamiliar, you have arrived simply where He already is. Except here in this unfamiliar, He seems so much bigger than before. Somehow in the familiar we feel safe, in control & at ease....the unfamiliar is big, uncertainty whispers, chills creep up our back, & we are beckoned to trust Him. We take all He has fed us in the safe and familiar and begin to remember in the unfamiliar.
We learn to see him in more of His glory...in this chilling wind and fog that is around us, we close our eyes and trust the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob and in time our eyes begin to adjust. We see Him with our eyes after our faith has led us first.
Has God led you to unfamiliar places? Does it seem chillier there? Isn't it true that it's colder the further up you climb?
If you know me at all, you probably have caught on that I am one to carry the weight of the world. I don't handle the news well, one reason I don't watch it. Politics weigh on me, fear of disease, fear of losing someone, etc etc. The enemy has a field day on my mind & heart when tragedy actually does strike.
When my husband & I lived in our last house before this rental we got really scary news. A family we knew who only lived a couple blocks over needed serious prayer. It was a couple that had three boys. We did not know them very good, but enough to say hello when we ran into them. It was one of those things, where they were friends of friends. The mom and all three boys were in a head on collision while on their way to Jonesboro. Two boys walked away from the accident, but the mom and other son were flown to Memphis. The dad was asking for prayer that God would spare her life.......................
The son that was in the hospital had minor injuries and it wasn't long before he was home. But weeks turned into months & the mom was barely hanging. I remember weeping for her. I could not bare the thought of these boys losing their mama. She was not much older than me & it hit too close to home. She had brain injuries & they were not sure that even if she did recover, she would be anywhere close to normal. I remember driving by their house when I'd leave mine and my heart would sink, and I would pray, "God, have mercy........"
Justin and I kept them in our prayers every night for weeks.
Time moved on, and it wasn't long before we were in the middle of selling, moving & building.
Months must have passed.
Last week I had to make a night time run for groceries. Justin has been working late on the house & it was one of those, "go now or starve tomorrow" type pressures. It was freezing out and after supper, I had many thoughts of what I could conjure up to cook the next day that would excuse me from leaving that evening. But I layered up, grabbed my list and left. I suppose the making meals from magic was over and I had to go.
Through out my shopping I kept seeing the back of this girl who wore a scarf type wrap around her head through the store. A boy about 15 or so was with her. I wasn't sure if this was a fashion statement or from sickness. An hour later I head to check out and this same girl ends up in front of me looking for a check out lane as well. I'm walking behind her and she turns her buggy into a lane then changes her mind and backs up, which causes me to back up, and seeing I'm making room for her she smiled at me and chooses the lane closest to me. Her smile seared in my mind. It was so familiar that I turned around a couple times to the check out behind me to try and get glimpse of her face and maybe place it.
As I'm grabbing grocery bags and placing them in my buggy it hits me, but I just could not believe that I was right. The mom with three boys...........................
She is done before me and walks right by me as she's leaving and something grabs a hold of my heart and I just have to know. "You look so familiar, may I ask your name?"
"Kerry. You look familiar too, I think I've seen you with your two little girls."
"Oh my goodness, what is your husband's name?"
She tells me and I cry.
I could not help myself.
Because you see, for someone who carries the weight of the world, it was as if God met me at the store that night and walked her by me and whispered, "I am still moving......"
I told her we had been praying for her faithfully and that to see her there grocery shopping overwhelmed me.
She told me that she has already driven to Jonesboro twice by herself since she's been home & that the doctor told her within 18 months she would back to the way she was before the accident.
Friends, I cried all the way home. God not only saved her for those boys sake but to be a witness of the hope we have in Him. A walking angel of hope is what she is. God knew I needed to get groceries that night because he had an appointment to meet me there that night. He knew I needed that assurance, that shot in the arm of hope.
Thank you, God for that whisper that night....it pierced me deep. In all unfamiliar places I will trust. Just simply trust.