G'morning friends & family. I wish that I could say I actually found a quiet moment while all three of the children are napping or content. haha. The past five days have been quite a ride. The truth is that nothing is perfect around here, even now sickness still lingers. But I did not feel motivated to write due to unloading on you, sharing my struggles or to give credit to my "great motherhood." I simply write this morning desiring to give glory to my savior. I desire for Christ to be lifted up in this blog post because he has truly been faithful to me & very near.
The beginning of last week I began making Labor Day weekend plans. My husband was going to be home for three days & I was anxious to get some shopping in....regular clothes! I had also planned for all the girls to get haircuts (it would have been Lauren & Liberty's first) and spend alot of quality time with Justin. I missed him. Friday morning finally rolled around and I planned on starting the weekend off with a little change. We decided it was time to move little J to his own room, get organized with his feeding schedule so we each could get some rest and get our room back. It seems as though God had other ideas for our three day weekend together. With an infant it already seemed as though we were in "survival mode" making it through the day and night. We all have limits to what we can handle & "control." I am grateful that God saw to bring me past those limits of what I could handle so that I would see my desperate need for Him. I give Him glory for seeing past my temporal weekend plans & allowing me to draw very near to Him the past few days.
As most of you know, Lauren came down with an ugly virus. Severe stomach pains and after eating or drinking anything she had diarrhea. Obviously this is no fun and we pretty much accepted the fact we would be home all weekend. We spent the day Saturday spraying things down with Lysol, cleaning with Lysol wipes and keeping the other two babies away from her. Not to mention continual germ ex. By Sunday night we saw great improvement & Lauren gained her energy and appetite back. Little J was now in his own room and we were pretty organized on his feeding schedule. By this point we thought we had survived the ugly bug and were on the highway of better routine and order. Around 10 Sunday night I went to check on Liberty and found her running a fever of 103. Justin & I looked at each other knowing it was time for round two, we were not out of the woods like we had hoped. Monday resembled Saturday very much. Crazy cleaning and germ ex. Liberty's fever would shoot up randomly all day and we'd work to get it down. In the night Justin & I would pass each other in the hallway; one going to tend to the baby and the other running a screaming two yr old to the bathroom. Every hour it was one or the other; if not Lauren in between complaining of something.
Tuesday morning I woke up realizing I had been up through the night at the hours of, 10, 12, 1, 3, 4, 5 & stayed up at 6. Justin was gone to work. Here i was...at the end of my rope. The night wouldn't have been too bad if I was already stored up on sleep. But I was already running on very slim shut eye (obvious reasons with a new baby) for three weeks prior. Monday night did me in. I went through the motions Tuesday: Running Liberty to the bathroom multiple times in an hr, cleaning up throw up, washing sheets, nursing an infant every two hrs, feeding Lauren, throwing food in my mouth when I thought about it, and holding Lib in between. Once Justin was home that evening I had to step outside for a break. I sat on the porch bench and tears began to fall. Stress seems to release its self in that way, for me anyways. I did not know how much more I had to give--I was give out and exhausted. My body was continually being used; nursing, and constant rocking a two year old (this is the only thing that calmed her down). Diarrhea, poopy diapers, spit up, throw up, crying, and no sleep; I was beginning to feel extremely attractive. :-)
It is at the end of us that Christ is resurrected and glorified. Justin could not give me what i needed, a nap could not give me the strength I needed mentally, and coffee, in this situation, was doing as good as water. I needed Him. I needed His word. In the book of Joshua God repeats over and over to Joshua & the warriors "Be strong; and of a good courage." I savored these words. I began to thank God for all His goodness towards us. I even felt the need to repent. To repent of complaining, of questioning his goodness, etc. I began to draw from the Christ in me. I began to wait on Him---not sitting still by any means---by waiting I mean, I began to rest on His word. It eased my stress and peace began to reign. I feasted my eyes on the Lord, Jesus Christ! By this one gaze I found all I needed. I was being filled again. I was falling in love with Him. "I looked at Jesus and the dove of peace flew into my heart. I looked at the dove of peace and she flew away.--Charles Spurgeon
We need the love that will spontaneously & unconsciously make us spend ourselves for others. The world wants it. We seem to be like alabaster boxes with the ointment inside. The boxes need breaking.--Jessie Penn-Lewis (Taken from the devotion book 'His Victorious Indwelling).
It is now Wednesday and we are still fighting this virus with liberty. All three of my kids sound a little congested & I have the same clothes on as yesterday. But today I am not walking alone; I am walking with my King. Though He has never left my side, I now have taken His loving hand & do not feel alone. We enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. No matter what befalls us, we walk with Him and feast our eyes on Him and somehow the circumstances of this life fade in light of Him. All glory to Him and His faithfulness.
Thank you, Lord for not being a crutch but making yourself our everything no matter what it takes. Surely you are good!